From 0-30: The Art of Keeping Notes

If my mother is any indication of how I will turn out the older I get, well, I've got a lot to look forward to, and a lot to worry about.

Mostly I'm worried about the fact that she can't remember shit. Poor thing, I imagine its because she has crammed so much knowledge in there over the years that she doesn't really have room anymore for some of the older, finer details. Her mother, my Nana, has a great memory. She's told me details about relatives that have been dead for a century. So I'm not really sure why Mom can't remember anything, as it is certainly not genetics. Though, now that I am edging closer to my 30th birthday, I know that I too am slipping and can't remember as much as I used to.

Insert old lady joke here.

LESSON SIX: Write it down.

I guess no matter what your age, family history, or need for a panic button, it is always a good idea to write it down. Whatever it is. An idea, a story, a lyric, a tattoo design on the back of napkin - if it's somewhere in print, it is likely to be remembered. 

I'm good mix of real forgetful and not so bad. I remember birthdays. The miles between the Asheville and Knoxville (108), between Knoxville and Chattanooga (107), and the miles between Chattanooga and Atlanta (116). I remember the song my mom used to sing to me to when she was in physical therapy school. I also remember the song my Dad used to sing to me in the morning... the whistle too. Don't let anyone ever whistle the Montana Wake Up Song to you, I promise, you will never forget it. 

This time, I decide to write down a goal. I want to finish a story I started and get it published on McSweeney's. I think it will have a chance too... I just needed the dedication of a note to self to motivate me. Like any good note to self, I will share it when I am ready.

Move. Learn. Eat.

This is learn:


LEARN from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

From 0-30: Booze, a Bike and a Bar

She walked in with her hat turned low, looking every bit the part of a renegade. Taking the steps two by two, she hit the top and glanced around the bar finding it nearly empty. The bartender, previously deep in conversation with one of the only two patrons, dropped his jaw in awe at this presence.

"I'll take a shot of Jameson please. And I'll be right back." She said quickly, "Is the bathroom this way?"
"Alright!" said the now-chipper bartender and pointed toward the back of the bar.
A voice trailed her as she dipped around the bend, "Well that's a hell of a way to start the night!"

Coming back to the bar, she took the shot whole, slide a $10 out of her wallet and asked for the check. The drunk at the bar repeated himself, "Well that's a hell of a way to start the night."

"Yep," she said and smiled, "but I'm not staying long, I'm out on a bike ride." She put her change back in her purse, which happened to be the shape of a boom box stereo (and an actual one too). The bartender looked confused and amused.

"Is that a stereo?" He said and smiled.

"Yep, and it works too!", she turned to leave, "Thanks and have a good night!"

She bounded down the stairs and back into the night feeling at once dizzy on the booze and dizzy on the thought that even in the midst of a great night on your own, you can make someone else's night too.

LESSON FIVE: Always share joy.

From 0-30: Find Out How Hard I Got to Work It

Oh Missy Elliot, is it worth it? Do we always have to work it? Well, if I've learned anything in my nearly 30 years, it's this:

LESSON FOUR: If it ain't worth it, don't fucking bother.

I read this kinda silly article recently on The Frisky that got me thinking about how much of a waste of time it can be to keep yourself locked in situations that just aren't worth it. Whatever it is - money, time, energy, emotions, your future - if it's not worth it, don't fucking bother. This may in fact be why I'm single, and why I don't mind it as much as some of the other single ladies I know.

Who cares if I have a boyfriend? I mean, I'd like to have a boyfriend, but I'm not 22 anymore where some jerk can treat me like shit and it doesn't matter because, "at least I have a boyfriend". I don't want "just a boyfriend", I want someone who rocks my world. I want someone who loves me like my best friends do. I'm too old for the rest of that nonsense... truly, and I know I'm not old... hardly. I just know what I'm not to keen on anymore. I don't have time for stand ups, put downs, cheating hearts, bad kisses - even worse sex - and all the other unreliable (and sometimes down right horrible) crap you get when you date the wrong guy. 

The aimless assholes who still think playground humility is endearing are obviously misinformed. 

That's not to say I don't want to have any fun... I do... but I want to have some fun with a man! Where are they? Surely when you turn 30 the chances of finding an interesting, funny, handsome, nice man get better? Right? Don't answer.

Let's just say, here's hoping he can at least say "bless you" when I sneeze.

From 0-30: Notes From Some Kind of Ground

LESSON THREE: Write it Down

A list of "A Few" things I like. 

Please ignore the spelling mistake (though it kinda fits too).

The only thing worse than finding a page of scribbled notes that you don't remember writing is trying to remember the thoughts at all. This is why I try my best to take notes when I have a good thought.  The writer in me hopes that I can make them into something special, which luckily sometimes I am able to do, while the old lady in me just hopes that I can remember them at all. 

"I've always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. 

I suspect it's a bit like fucking, which is only fun for amateurs. 

Old whores don't do much giggling." - Hunter S. Thompson

I don't want to turn into some kind of paper hoarder, so I should really try to carry around one of the little notebooks I have and keep my thoughts organized. I some how manage to carry an umbrella most of the time, you would think a little mole skin wouldn't be so damn hard. Maybe when I hit 30 I'll get better at remembering that.  

From 0-30: On the Hunt

Flannery O'Conner said it best, a good man is hard to find. We all know it to be true, and for some dumb reason, we continue to date the losers, even when we know it from the start. But I'm not ready to talk about that... so I think I'll move on to the only thing harder to find than a good man.

LESSON TWO: A good pair of jeans.

Why is it so hard? I mean seriously. I probably only really like one of the seven pairs that I own, and I can't even wear them anymore because I ripped a hole in the butt. Which just might be the worst thing that can happen to a girl. You finally have the best fit - they don't stretch too much, they don't squeeze too tight - they fit everything about you juuuuuuust right. So, naturally, you wear them all the time. Then, one sad day, the denim gives and your entire ass is left to blow in the breeze. It is literally so depressing that I still haven't managed to threw the goddamn things out. I really do love them that much. Why not patch them and move on? Well, because I have a word to the wise - don't try to patch, it makes your butt look bigger, and who the fuck wants that.

You know what's not a good pair of jeans? These:

Pajama Jeans... they are about as horrible as the Snuggie. What you can search for instead: a pair of black flats; a really fabulous dress; a good, comfortable bra; and a great dildo. Happy hunting ladies.

From 0-30: Many Lessons in One

LESSON ONE: There are three things you should always put on...

1. A bike helmet
2. A seat belt
3. A condom

Safety first, people. Seriously.