Don't Wish For Hate

I hate it.
Hate to admit that something about you still breaks my heart.
Hate to admit that I let you get in that close to me when I really always knew better.
Hate that that it turned me into such a bitch.

I wish smashing glass on floor had cleared me of that.
I wish riding fast through town with the wind on my hair was enough to erase it now.
I wish walking away from other people was easier... because of you, because I'm the one in control this time, because I really did learn something. How is it that I still feel like I failed.

I wish I didn't have more hate than love. That the negative creep in my heart wasn't stronger than the love buzz. That I had more to give than my belief that true love is out there. That I have more to take than I haven't met yet. That I could get past the draft version.