Wednesday, July 13, 2011

From 0-30: Notes From Some Kind of Ground

LESSON THREE: Write it Down

A list of "A Few" things I like. 
Please ignore the spelling mistake (though it kinda fits too).

The only thing worse than finding a page of scribbled notes that you don't remember writing is trying to remember the thoughts at all. This is why I try my best to take notes when I have a good thought.  The writer in me hopes that I can make them into something special, which luckily sometimes I am able to do, while the old lady in me just hopes that I can remember them at all. 

"I've always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. 
I suspect it's a bit like fucking, which is only fun for amateurs. 
Old whores don't do much giggling." - Hunter S. Thompson

I don't want to turn into some kind of paper hoarder, so I should really try to carry around one of the little notebooks I have and keep my thoughts organized. I some how manage to carry an umbrella most of the time, you would think a little mole skin wouldn't be so damn hard. Maybe when I hit 30 I'll get better at remembering that.  

Monday, July 11, 2011

From 0-30: On the Hunt

Flannery O'Conner said it best, a good man is hard to find. We all know it to be true, and for some dumb reason, we continue to date the losers, even when we know it from the start. But I'm not ready to talk about that... so I think I'll move on to the only thing harder to find than a good man.

LESSON TWO: A good pair of jeans.

Why is it so hard? I mean seriously. I probably only really like one of the seven pairs that I own, and I can't even wear them anymore because I ripped a hole in the butt. Which just might be the worst thing that can happen to a girl. You finally have the best fit - they don't stretch too much, they don't squeeze too tight - they fit everything about you juuuuuuust right. So, naturally, you wear them all the time. Then, one sad day, the denim gives and your entire ass is left to blow in the breeze. It is literally so depressing that I still haven't managed to threw the goddamn things out. I really do love them that much. Why not patch them and move on? Well, because I have a word to the wise - don't try to patch, it makes your butt look bigger, and who the fuck wants that.

You know what's not a good pair of jeans? These:

Pajama Jeans... they are about as horrible as the Snuggie. What you can search for instead: a pair of black flats; a really fabulous dress; a good, comfortable bra; and a great dildo. Happy hunting ladies.

From 0-30: Many Lessons in One

LESSON ONE: There are three things you should always put on...

  1. A bike helmet
  2. A seat belt
  3. A condom
Safety first, people. Seriously.