Friday, May 21, 2010

Fuck Fat Camp... Here's My Five for Friday

1. I rode my bike to work in a skirt today. God, it is so sexy. Seriously. Even with a helmet on...

2. I have daisies in a jar on my desk. A Marinara jar to be exact... Mmmm.... spaghetti... and it's not this jar, but isn't it cute!?

3. Jockey Full of Bourbon - "Hey little bird, fly away home...." I'll be heading there next week!!

4. Breakfast! It's what's for Dinner... at least tonite it is and I can't wait!!! I fucking love having breakfast for dinner... It reminds me of my dad. Waffle House, however, makes me think of high school - smoking cigarettes, eating pie, drinking coffee until nearly ill and hanging out with my boyfriend. Sigh, good times. I loved him so much. Still do!

5. Kissing. It's literally the only thing on my mind. I want to kiss a boy so bad it makes my knees weak! I need a new crush like you need a new umbrella for the weekend weather forecast. It's on my list of weekend picks. I'll keep you posted.

Happy Friday!

Fat Camp

So... I like to proclaim health. In July, I'll be and ex-smoker for an amazing 6 years! I know, it feels like forever. And I try to exercise often... ride my bike when I can... eat well. I even count calories! I guess where I'm going with this is that I don't really know why it makes me feel so bad when I end up doing something ridiculous like over compensate with a fat day for what has been a really light week.

That would be me last night. Do not stop go, do not collect $200 and do not under any circumstances, get on a scale.

I could not stop eating last night. I ate well all day too! I'd been in a bad mood, and for once, didn't take it out on food during the day, but instead late at night... WTF? I wasn't even stoned. It started with a bag of chips at school, then cheese and crackers when I got home, then some more crackers... then some more cheese then some turkey. Then, lastly, a cup of cereal and milk with blackberries. By the time it was all over with, I'd eaten like 500 calories in about 20 minutes. Damnit.

I know, I know, none of that is especially terrible for you, but it is in large quantity. Sigh. Maybe my body needed it. they say if your caloric count is too low your body goes into starvation mode and actually tries to find ways to store fat... so maybe my body was looking to add some fat? Whatever it was, I was disappointed in myself for having no self control and eating everything in sight. I'm going to the gym today so I'm hoping by the time tonight rolls around, I won't feel like such a fatty.

I'm putting this in print because I'm tired of pretending it doesn't bother me. Here goes:

I like to be in shape. I like to feel good about my body, and I know that when I work out regularly and eat well mostly that this is how I feel. So what is my problem? Nothing... I'm just lazy and have no self-control. Oh, that and I drink too much, but what else is new?

I will not be defeated today, and I will not say self-depreciating things about myself to myself. Today, or any day because it does not help. Ok? Ok. Here's to that.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Fag Hag

Disclaimer: I say "Fag Hag" with the most affection I can muster... I do have a Gay Husband after all, though, that doesn't dismiss the topic at hand.

While I am enjoying my singleness again, bounding around and what-not, I have managed to nuzzle my way cozily into the life and luxury of my dear gay compatriots rather than my other known single ones.

As in, I think I've become a Fag Hag.

I believe by sheer location alone it was bound to happen, I do live in Logan Circle, though I think the gays are moving up with the Hipsters to Columbia Heights... but that's a WHOLE other topic. I also just happen to love my Gay Husband. I spend far too much time as the straight female bestie of a group of gay boys... and I think it might be affecting my gaydar and my straight approachability. It could be why I didn't spot the glaring red flags from my last attempted bed mate. Sure, it's sweet that someone doesn't want to fuck you right away, but after a while... there's more to peel under this onion that just a little polite wariness.

Am I wrong? Turns out, no. Word of advice, don't try to make sheets out of red flags... they ain't built for that. And a girl could really just stand to get laid sometimes.

Anyway, back to my status. Fag Hag. It's such an ugly term. I like Queer Dear and Fruit Fly better... cuter, kinder almost to the friend of the fag, not quite as damning, eh? I don't want to be considered a hag on any occasion unless I planned it! I'm digressing. The whole point of this little rant is that I am constantly out there complaining about finding it hard to meet guys, and how obviously it's not me, it's them, when BAM! Like Emeril it hit me. My status as a planted Fag Hag could be hindering my ability to meet attractive, single, straight men. Duh! A girl surrounded by men- gay or straight- isn't exactly "approachable". Well there you have it. Back to the fucking drawing board.

I will not give up the good times I have with my Queens, but I might have to reconsider just what it's doing to my sex life... the fact they don't want anything to do with my pretty girl parts has nothing to do with being polite- they just plain ain't interested.


The other problem that turns up too often is that some boys are stupidly intimidated by a girl with strong male friends... gay or not. Well, that and vibrators, but again, that's a whole other can of worms... Though while we're on the subject of dating, I've got one more I don't mind throwing down - Sagittarions. I am officially vowing to avoid dating anymore gentlemen of the Archer persuasion. I just can't handle them, and maybe they can't handle me too, and that's fine, because we do not mesh well. I can literally fill my hand with exes who fall into that damnable month, and I will not be lured again. Mark my word, er mark my arrow. Sorry, bad pun.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Today's favorite words

Douche bag

To be continued...

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Lyrical Aside: Neutral Milk Hotel - Naomi

Your prettiness is seeping through
Out from the dress I took from you, so pretty
My emptiness is swollen shut
Always a wretch i have become
So empty
Please, Please don't leave me.

I'm watching Naomi, full bloom
I hope that she will soon explode
Into one billion tastes and tunes
One billion angels come and hold her down
They could hold her down until she cries

I'm tasting Naomi's perfume
It tastes like shit and I must say
She comes and goes most afternoons
One billion lovers wave and love her now
They could love her now and so could I

There is no Naomi in view
She walks through Cambridge stocks and strolls
And if she only really knew
One billion angels could come and save her soul
They could save her soul until she shines.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Dirty Sheets

I won't sleep in dirty sheets, 
sit and wait           
                     while you smoke and think. 

I don't wear that shade of pink.

Black's more my style.
Like my heart, and maybe your's too.
So I'll just chalk this up to a dodge -

You like me... 
            what's that?
Not enough I guess, more like a fee, flat.
Like falling on your face
Sigh, what a waste.

I can't sit anymore and watch you play nice,
For me, that's a bit of a sacrifice.
You go pick up your pieces, honey, 
I got my own 
                              to solve.