I promise to have something authentic and of my own style soon... apparently I haven't been drinking enough to keep the creative juices flowing: So in the mean time, enjoy this brilliant poem by Diane Wakoski. Thanks Karen.
WHAT I WANT IN A HUSBAND BESIDES A MUSTACHE
Well, to begin with,
you might as well not apply for the job
if you don’t have a mustache (
or any plans
and I tend to like men who are not too
say 5’8” or 9”.
I like men with powerful shoulders
and prefer big hands.
no requirements for the size of your cock,
but you have to like to use it,
preferably just on-in me,
and be willing to fuck quite frequently at least until we’re 90.
That’s another thing.
I want a man to be steady
to plan to be married to me
at least 50 or
with no sabbaticals.
I like men who read poetry,
and men who write turn me on even more (though I know that’s
In fact its such a dangerous line that I think I’ll reverse it:
men who write “don’t turn me on”)
if they’re good.
I also only like ambitious men,
men who will take their destinies in their hands
and try to shape them.
I want a man who is mechanical,
likes to build,
work with his hands,
perhaps even a sportsman,
but one who does all these things with intelligence
and preferably learned them from
I like a man who has faith in books.
That means he’ll also have faith in me.
I’m a very long and imaginative book.
I’d also like my man to be a simultaneous traveler
one who would be happy working at home
or equally happy
out wandering around
looking at new things with me;
one who found himself the key to the meaning of the world,
and who found me the key to the meaning of himself.
I like a man with good manners,
one willing to respond to the world;
a man who likes music,
and who has definite style.
One who could earn a living,
though I’d contribute a good deal;
one who wanted a real woman
and who loved her
for her womanly
A man who reads.
A man who likes painting.
A man who likes to talk in bed.
A man who likes the sun but thrives in the cold.
One who loves to touch my body.
Who kisses often.
Who types his letters.
One who drinks bourbon.
Who can ride a motorcycle.
Who collects books.
Who has a big dog.
Who calls my name in his sleep.
So far, I’ve only met one man like this; but if you think you qualify,
write in for the application forms.
you don’t have much of a chance against
this first candidate.
But I’m democratic
and want to give everyone a chance.
Include a photo of your mustache.
I have not yet finished my document
describing the exact kind of mustaches I prefer.
But that is an area of connoisseurship
there are some mustaches
that just wouldn’t qualify.