"An attitude of gratitude brings opportunities."

Dear Random Homeless Man I Passed on My Lunch Break,

While I would like to extend my sincere appreciation for the sentiment, I think I'm gonna go with a solid no on your offer to "eat my pussy".

You're not really my type.

That's not to say that I'm against a little scruff, or men who are a little off the cuff. It's just, well... yeah.

But, in an effort to better myself (and to follow the advice of the words of wisdom that come my way), I would like to take the opportunity to offer the universe my attitude of gratitude for this request in the hopes that a more appropriate candidate will come along.

Okay thanks,
Shelby

P.S. Oh, and next time, try not to yell it so loud into the street. We ladies do like a bold man, but we also like a little discretion if you please.

Missing the Mark

Dear ModCloth,

It's too bad this dress (or, excuse me, "Frock") is so hideous that no one will buy it, therefore your attempts at raising money for Ovarian Cancer Research will fail completely.

However, because I have ovaries, and am I'm not totally cold-hearted - if I see anyone wearing it, I will donate the cost of the dress to Ovarian Cancer Research. That's a whopping $110, people.

Love,

My Heart is Black Not Blue