Witches, Magicians and A Tall Order

I met a fascinating couple at a house party not too long ago - she, an elegant lady, he a French magician. Deeply curious about how they ended up together, I asked her to tell me their story. She smiled and simply replied, "The way you get the man you want, is to write out everything you want in that man on a piece of paper, then burn it on a new moon. He will find you."

I know what you're thinking. I thought it too. Sounds like witchcraft to me. But hey, what’s love without a little magic.

In the spirit of letting the universe know what I want, I gave it shot. I won't tell you if I burned the paper or not.

A Tall Order

Pussies need not apply. I want a man with guts! The kind that burn his belly and make him passionate.

But not crazy. Well, no more than I am.

He must make a good mix. He must also always want to hear a good song – live if possible.

He must not be intimidated by me, but rather inspired by me. And must also be inspiring.

I don’t mind if he’s smarter than me, but he must never use it against me.

He must be loving. Of me, my family, my friends.

He must also be misanthropic (because sometimes I am hateful).

He must support that, amongst other things. He must also want support.

I like a compliment now and again, but more important than that is honesty. He must always be honest.

             Polite’s not bad either.

I like an eager man, but not the kind that you want to kick in the teeth or turn your face crooked with contempt. In fact, I appreciate mistakes that are corrected. And apologies.

And I love yous.

And you’re beautifuls.

He should be creative and craving.

He should want to fuck me often! Though I like it sweet sometimes too. He should kiss me deeply and earnestly. Otherwise, move it along.

He should be my best friend, my most favorite person, and sometimes my least.

And if I decide I’d like to have a kid or two some day, it would be cool if he were into that too.