Friday, May 15, 2015

Sorry Not Sorry

Editor's Note: I started not to put this up because it didn't feel finished, but then clever girl Amy Schumer beat me to it, so here it is.  

As if we can't help ourselves, women say, "I'm sorry" so often, it's almost as if we reverted to our early 90's teenage selves when we suddenly started saying, "like" every other word. There isn't always a need to apologize for something we want or don't want, but it has become so engrained, that we do it all the time. Especially when under some kind of social normative pressure to be the cool girl-next-door who's literally down for anything - even DTF when we aren't really ready. I came upon this scenario recently, and although I never actually apologized, I agonized about it for a long time.

I decide not to apologize, you don't ask me too, but I still feel like I should.

I work hard not to say I'm sorry 
that I don't want to fuck you yet. 
I manage to hold it in, pressed tight 
(like my pussy) 
and feel it beat against me. 
I make no excuses; I just say, I'm not ready and leave it at that.
In my younger years I would have said something you might believe 
like, I'm on my period. 
But now I don't care about such things; 
and I've had lovers and boyfriends who don't either, 
so no point in lying now.
The truth is too harsh for such soft pillow talk.
Since I held my own on the apology field -
But still wanting to be affable - now I fight the silence
by working not to say thank you,
For understanding. 
My polite nature is so demanding.
Lust hangs in the air like a malcontent. 
Even when I know its my choice, 
I still feel so weak making it.
My aim to please self screams 
- since I don't put out, will you go black out?
I fight again not to apologize. 
I say "thank you" instead, but this time for a lovely evening,
because you deserve that, and so do I. 

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