Friday, February 20, 2009

The Digital Age

I guess I've been off the market too long... shut down like some poor, old PC undergoing upgrades or something, trying to catch up with the times. I only say that because I either got real old (much like my sprouted gray hairs suggest) at the ripe old age of 27, or I just forgot that Casual Dating is so, well, casual. It all started with actually getting back on the Market- like being sold on eBay or something- by meeting someone I found amusing. I was drunk, so really I don't recall the meeting. That should have been my first warning...

Perhaps he was a purchase I put in the "Save For Later" box that I eventually bought just because it looked like it might look great on, and oh hell, the price was right... This is a meat market right? Or am I mixing too many metaphors? He probably felt the same about me... except he's the one who put the bid out first - on Facebook.

Like I said, we met one night when I was out with friends and I apparently told his friend that I thought he was adorable. Which he is rather cute, in that small, pale, tight-bodied, not-my-type-but-almost kind of way. He said I was adorable too. So that was that. We hung out some, got down and dirty, and started the whole 30-day free trial process. (You can return this with a receipt in just thirty days if it just doesn't fit!) We were feeling each other out you know, trying to decide if we should actually date, casual or not, or just continue this annoying (but quite enjoyable), late-night sleep-over situation.

Other than that, we hardly knew each other outside of the few actual dates we had and the daily online chatter that we engaged in via gchat and text. Good god, what happened to talking face to face? Dating has been reduced to nothing but abbreviated mixed messages. OMG, LOL, WTF? The Ivy League schmuck who invented this online way to easily conduct narcissism and stalking at the same time without the fatal awkwardness of a live audience must fit comfortably in his chair laughing his way to the bank. (Checking his statement online of course) Way to go Mark Zuckerberg, WTG...

Anyway, so here I am, finally sort of trying out the Washington dating scene, at first out there with the rest of us fatalists who need a crowd, then sadly, mostly digitally due to scheduling conflicts. Albeit, that is rather typical- we do spend enormous amounts of time in front of computers for work, for fun, for the blindness of our eyes... we can't see our dates anyway...

Then, just before the expiration date on the refund into our once-a-week slumber parties and daily cyber-speaking sessions, I started to get the impression that he had either lost interest in my make and model, or had found a different one all together to try on for size. He wanted his refund.

This was not to my, well... not surprise, really, or chagrin either, as I was not wholly saddened by the end of this attempt to show off my PC upgrade in a what turned out to be a mostly-dominated Mac world. It was more that I should have known better to try and seek warmth through a computer. I could feel the cold shoulder all the way through the screen. All the while we "chatted", I could sense that I'd already been packed up back in the box, just not taped up... Each long pause was like a sigh.

, I thought, as I clicked the keys in anticipation! And then there it was...

I've been trying to figure out how to say this... it makes my stomach hurt to think about... it wasn't supposed to be like this... I just happened to find you both at the same time ... I don't know... I like you!... but I think I like this one better... What do we do now? He said most of that ... all in TYPE. BIG. FLAT. DULL. TYPE.

What do we do now? Shooo, this ain't my first Pac-Man...

Maybe we should have stayed in cyberspace where people live on plastic dreams and self-created friendships. The ones that survive through networks and hard drives because they mean more than they ever will in person. (Ironically at this moment I am listening to my iTunes and Brendan Benson comes blaring on with the line "Well, there isn't anything between us"). So, complaining aside, I guess I am sort of content in this digital world after all. At least it knows what I'm thinking while in the midst of an earphone isolation and echoes my sentiment back to me- one more time with feeling!

Truth is, I'm not all that upset about getting dumped on gchat. I'm just sort of disappointed. There really is no more romance these days? A girl can't even get broken up with in person? Not even on the phone? I questioned my bed-mate about this and his excuse was that he might have been too upset, might have even cried. Yeah right, I said, you don't like me that much. Proof-positive by the sound of the clicking of your pristine nails on the keyboard. You go get your refund, honey, I already got mine.

I guess I'm not ready for an upgrade... Maybe I still like things a little less perfect. Maybe, just maybe... I'm not ready to be a Mac girl after all. It's not Mac's fault, and I may move over that way after all.. but in the mean time, I'll keep my Game Boy thank you very much.

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