Holding An Idiot Stick

This may not come as much of a surprise to some of you dear readers, but I am kind of a klutz. I'm quick to my feet, slow to realize there is something in front of me, and often enough, my judgement is impaired in some way that would render these quite avoidable, and well known, facts useless. All of these items currently factor into how I have come to be covered in bruises and wearing and ice pack as part of my outfit. And also why I am going sober for a much needed detox. You don't have to remind me that this is a good idea... trust me, I am ALL kinds of aware. And no clapping... that's just mean.

Ok... here goes...

I think I have partially torn my Rotator Cuff. This is self-diagnosed, but none the less, there it is. Here are the symptoms: I can't do the following items without a lot of pain - the kind that even lots of Tylenol doesn't do dick for.

1.Lay on my left side without a pillow padding that elevates me slightly, though it still hurts and I haven't slept in two days.

2. Raise my left arm into a Jumping Jack formation or grab something from a high shelf.

3. Clasp my bra, zip up my skirt or pull a dress over my head. Not that I want anyone to see my fucked up legs, anyhow, but whatever, this more about the shoulder.

4. Open the Fridge with my left hand.

5. Reach for anything, adjust my position in a chair or slouch even slightly without my Pectoral muscle hurting too.

6. Laugh, clear my throut or cough without hurting myself. LAUGH! Sigh.

I know, this sounds really bad, right? Well before you go judging, there are many facts to consider. Yes, being less stupid could have prevented many of the aforementioned injuries and wounds, but some of them were from great events like going to a really intense Yoga class on Saturday morning, plotting around Eastern Market at a really high pace before they closed up all shops, kicking around town with my friend Mike ... and, finally, riding my bike from 11am till 11pm (partially) under the influence...

I know, it's so dangerous. Made worse still by the fact that far more terrible things than a heal-able shoulder injury can occur. BUIs are the least of those worries. I always wear my helmet - so don't even go there, but I stand firm here, well, leaning to the right, but firm in my convictions that I will not let a good time get in the way of my health.

How's that for taking back the idiot stick? .