Monday, July 11, 2011

From 0-30: On the Hunt

Flannery O'Conner said it best, a good man is hard to find. We all know it to be true, and for some dumb reason, we continue to date the losers, even when we know it from the start. But I'm not ready to talk about that... so I think I'll move on to the only thing harder to find than a good man.

LESSON TWO: A good pair of jeans.

Why is it so hard? I mean seriously. I probably only really like one of the seven pairs that I own, and I can't even wear them anymore because I ripped a hole in the butt. Which just might be the worst thing that can happen to a girl. You finally have the best fit - they don't stretch too much, they don't squeeze too tight - they fit everything about you juuuuuuust right. So, naturally, you wear them all the time. Then, one sad day, the denim gives and your entire ass is left to blow in the breeze. It is literally so depressing that I still haven't managed to threw the goddamn things out. I really do love them that much. Why not patch them and move on? Well, because I have a word to the wise - don't try to patch, it makes your butt look bigger, and who the fuck wants that.

You know what's not a good pair of jeans? These:

Pajama Jeans... they are about as horrible as the Snuggie. What you can search for instead: a pair of black flats; a really fabulous dress; a good, comfortable bra; and a great dildo. Happy hunting ladies.

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