Friday, May 21, 2010

Fat Camp

So... I like to proclaim health. In July, I'll be and ex-smoker for an amazing 6 years! I know, it feels like forever. And I try to exercise often... ride my bike when I can... eat well. I even count calories! I guess where I'm going with this is that I don't really know why it makes me feel so bad when I end up doing something ridiculous like over compensate with a fat day for what has been a really light week.

That would be me last night. Do not stop go, do not collect $200 and do not under any circumstances, get on a scale.

I could not stop eating last night. I ate well all day too! I'd been in a bad mood, and for once, didn't take it out on food during the day, but instead late at night... WTF? I wasn't even stoned. It started with a bag of chips at school, then cheese and crackers when I got home, then some more crackers... then some more cheese then some turkey. Then, lastly, a cup of cereal and milk with blackberries. By the time it was all over with, I'd eaten like 500 calories in about 20 minutes. Damnit.

I know, I know, none of that is especially terrible for you, but it is in large quantity. Sigh. Maybe my body needed it. they say if your caloric count is too low your body goes into starvation mode and actually tries to find ways to store fat... so maybe my body was looking to add some fat? Whatever it was, I was disappointed in myself for having no self control and eating everything in sight. I'm going to the gym today so I'm hoping by the time tonight rolls around, I won't feel like such a fatty.

I'm putting this in print because I'm tired of pretending it doesn't bother me. Here goes:

I like to be in shape. I like to feel good about my body, and I know that when I work out regularly and eat well mostly that this is how I feel. So what is my problem? Nothing... I'm just lazy and have no self-control. Oh, that and I drink too much, but what else is new?

I will not be defeated today, and I will not say self-depreciating things about myself to myself. Today, or any day because it does not help. Ok? Ok. Here's to that.

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