Friday, June 4, 2010

An Exercise in Exorcizing A Ghost From My Heart

Sometimes I wish Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind were true.
I'd erase you.
Wake up anew.

Because there's no formula for this.

Like how much time it takes
to forget about things like how you taste,
whether or not you like leather or lace.
the rocky surface of your face...
that I can't seem to disgrace.
I can still feel your hot breath on my neck
it makes me sick
that those are the things that linger -
that make hate so much meaner.

If I could just figure out how to rid myself of you,
I think it would be my greatest coup.
All the things I could do
without you there like an early morning sparrow.
I could reclaim Guero!
Pull the echoing thunder from out of my marrow.
The kind made of sadness and desire -
oh, what a hard wire.

I'm too busy to be thinking of those days.
How I made it through that maze
and into this place
of my own.
Gave someone else my moan,
put my heart out on loan.
How this bird has flown.

So what are you still doing here?
Creeping in like a sudden dry mouth
forcing me to surface all those old doubts.
I'd erase you if I could, bury you deep in the ground
where I dare your heart to be found.
Though as in the fate of the Tell-Tale kind,
I fear you'd always find the path to mine.

I don't even love you anymore
but I feel this shadow of an uneven score.
from where you rejected the all of my heart.
As if that were the worse part...
You did it in pieces
while you sat back to sort out your leases
all offered in space and time
to figure out the mistakes you made - not mine.

The path to exorcise a heart haunt may not be hatred,
but I'm attached to it still, as if it's something sacred.
So here I sit looking to excommunicate,
to start to locate 
another simple twist of fate.

2 comments:

kmackay said...

really nice.

one comment, i think you meant this "As of that were the worse part...
You did it in pieces" to be "if" not "of"? just using my anal brain to help out.

Rose in bloom said...

Wow. I really like this Shelbs.